Merlins Pants!
by LittleOneWeasley
Summary: A collection of longish oneshots featuring Ron and Hermione, among others. Chapters are not in any chronological order, I write them as they come to me. Please review and enjoy!
1. Hugo Weasley: What's In a Name?

I don't own Harry Potter

I love Ron Weasley

And I'm envious of J.K. Rowling's fat mountain of cash

That's all there is to it!

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**Hugo Weasley: What's In a Name?**

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"OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!" came the roars from the front room, out of which a tall, red-headed (and currently red faced) man stormed, making his way into the living room and plucking up the gurgling toddler sitting on the floor, who had been gently terrorising her aunt with a toy wand. 

"What is it now?" Ginny Potter said, struggling to get to her feet, with a firm hand over her swollen stomach.  
"Aren't you two supposed to be going out? I was under the impression that was why I was staying here tonight…" Ginny said, tiredly.

Ron gave her a strained look, whilst trying in vain to hold his squirming daughter.

"Well we WERE, until Mione dropped one hell of a bombshell on me" grumbled Ron.

"Oh, so she's just revealed to you that she's actually Eloise Midgeon cleverly disguised while the REAL Hermione enjoys drinks with a handsome mystery man elsewhere? Yeah, we all knew about that" said Ginny, her words drenched with sarcasm. Her joking, however, went unappreciated by Ron, and did nothing to calm him, his face was now as red as his hair, which, to make matters worse, was being pulled, chewed and yanked by an ever curious and oblivious Rose.

Hermione suddenly appeared in the doorway, making speedy motions across her neck, telling Ginny to quit while she was ahead. She then hurried over to Ron, pulled the confused toddler out of his arms and balanced her awkwardly between her hip and baby bump.

Ron and Hermione stood, glaring at each other, while Ginny quietly chuckled.

"So… What's happened this time?" she sighed, running a hand over baby potter number three.

"Oh for the love of Merlin!" said Ginny as she looked up suddenly,  
"You haven't been discussing names again have you?"

Everyone knew that Ron and Hermione were famous for, among other things, their bickering.

They had argued all the way through school, through the battle, all the while they were dating, through their engagement and even had a small argument on their wedding day! And while bickering for Ron and Hermione was sort of like a weird foreplay (always ending in fantastic make-up sex) for everybody else it was a pain in the arse.

Ginny absently thought back to the last serious fight her brother had had with his wife.

It had been just before Rose was born. They had both arrived back from St. Mungo's, after seeing the healer about learning the sex of their chid. Hermione and Ron were over the moon that they were to have a healthy baby girl, yet as soon as they arrived home, a fully fledged battle erupted over what her name would be.

For every name Ron suggested, Hermione would retort that it was best suited for an old folks home, and for every name Hermione suggested, Ron stated his daughter could look forward to up to five good kicking's a day.

There was screaming and there was yelling, but after around ten minutes of fighting, something snapped, the couple locked eyes, and pounced on each other…

A few hours later a concerned Harry apparated to their house, only two find his two best friends indecently dishevelled and on the floor.

_He was never quite right after that…_ thought an amused Ginny.

"SO!" she said, snapping back from her reminiscing. She took in the scene. Her brother stood, glaring down at his wife, while her sister in-law glared, if not more ferociously, up at her husband whilst struggling to keep hold of little Rose, who was now trying to chew on her mothers bushy brown hair.

"Ronald" bit Hermione "was being an unreasonable PRAT, just for something different…"

"Well what happened?" asked Ginny.

"Ok, so we're getting ready to leave, and Hermione brought up baby names again" Ron motioned to Hermione's swollen belly, in which rested their son.

"And I was telling Ronald that I thought it would be fair if I chose the name this time, seeing as he picked Rose" said Hermione, absently running a hand over her daughters head and giving her a kiss.

"I did not pick Rose!"

"Yes you did! I remember!"

The couple broke off into a battle of incoherent arguments, whilst Ginny stood, her head aching from the sheer volume of the words flying back and forth between the two Weasleys.

"ENOUGH!" She shouted, gently taking Rose from Hermione, seating herself on the couch and bouncing her niece on her knee.

"Ron you git, you did pick Rose remember? After that seeker from the Cannons you used to fancy" Ron looked at his shoes and mumbled something about world records, averages something else incoherent yet no doubt laced with swear words, while Hermione crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes.

"So anyway, I was telling prat-face here…"

"Oh, so stunningly mature my love" said Ron sarcastically.

Hermione promptly ignored him.

"I was saying how I'd love to name the baby after a famous muggle painter or novelist or something you know?" Hermione sighed. "So that was all fine until Ron saw the book I was holding". Hermione left the room and came back holding a battered copy of Les Misérables. She clutched it to her chest. 

"It's my favourite"

Ginny caught Ron's face softening as he gazed at his wife, his face hardening however, when his eyes fell on the book she was holding.

"I've just got no idea what you're on about Ronald" Hermione sighed dejectedly.

Ron snatched the book from his wife,

"Gin! Have you SEEN who wrote this book!? Just look!" He picked up his daughter of her knee and thrust the book into her hand.

"Les Misérables" narrated Ginny as she read the front cover "by… Victor Hugo"

Ginny pursed her lips so she wouldn't burst out laughing, and raised here eyebrow.

Hermione looked scandalized

"Oh for Merlins sake, are you serious Ronald? Are you SERIOUS?!" Hermione was now shrieking, and Rose turned in her fathers grasp, startled by her mother's tone of voice. Her face twisted and she started to bawl.

Ron rocked her back and forth  
"Shhh, come on sweetheart, Shhh"

Hermione, looking thoroughly distressed at the sight of her crying daughter, rushed over, completely forgetting her previous anger and outrage, and was stroking her daughter's fluffy red hair while whispering words to soothe her as she whimpered in her father's arms. Rose slowly calmed down, and snuggled back into her father's arms, gently cooing while Ron and Hermione stared into each others eyes.

"You really are a prat" She sighed, lifting her arm so she could run her hand through his shaggy red hair. She smiled as he let go of a breath he had no idea he was holding, this was always a good sign.

"Do you honestly think I would name your son Victor? Come on Ron…"

He smiled and stroked her cheek with his free hand. Rose went unnoticed, happily cradled in her fathers other arm, once again yanking at his hair.

"I know, I'm sorry Mione, I love you" he said dreamily, still gazing into her deep brown eyes.

"Why don't we name him like, Hugo or something, anything you want, just not… you know" he said sheepishly as he stroked his free hand over Hermione's protruding stomach.

"Ok then, Hugo Weasley it is" Hermione beamed, placing her hand over Ron's.

Ginny still sat on the couch, feeling thoroughly out of place, she was intruding on the couple's private moment. She got up, carefully took Rose from Ron without disturbing them, and walked down the hall, turning into the soft pink room adorned with pictures of unicorns, rainbows and ballerinas, some moving and some perfectly still. Ginny gently placed Rose into her crib, locating a fluffy white toy cat and handing it to her niece.

"Your mummy and daddy are right silly buggers aren't they?" she chuckled and kissed Rose. Ginny pointed her wand at the magical baby monitor, making sure it was on, turned on the soft night light and made to leave the room, stopping as a pile of books grabbed her attention. She smiled as she picked up the topmost book, and read the cover: A Revised and Updated History of Hogwarts- by Hermione J. Weasley. Ginny shook her head and laughed, placing the book back on the pile, and gently closing the door. She made her way to the front room. She heard a soft thud, a feminine giggle and a deep moan. Blushing, she turned on the spot and with a loud crack appeared seconds later in the front room of her own house.

Ginny wandered down the hall, hearing laughter coming from the living room. She leant against the door frame and took in the delightful scene. Harry Potter- the boy who lived, defeater of Voldemort and basic saviour of the wizarding world, was stumbling around the room, trying in vain to chase young Teddy Lupin and his son James, who had taken his glasses hostage. As Harry ran, fell, picked himself up and fell again, little Albus, who was seated on the floor, shrieked and clapped his hands with delight. Ginny walked into the room, bending to ruffle Albus' unruly black hair and kiss his pudgy cheek. She was noticed by Teddy and James, who were signalled by Ginny to not reveal her presence. The boys snorted with laughter as Harry came closer, and groped for his glasses, swearing mildly as he fell when the boys took off to the other side of the room. Ginny followed, gently taking the glasses from James, and kissing both of their cheeks. She walked over to Harry, who had somehow managed to find the couch and was now bargaining with the boys for his sight.

"Teddy? James? Come on boys, look, if I can get my glasses back I'll… I'll take you to see Uncle George? How does that sound?" Harry pleaded, and the three boys roared jubilantly at the thought of visiting George. Ginny smirked and walked up to Harry. She sat on his lap, and slid the glasses back on his face, and kissed him deeply, happy with the look of thanks and surprise on her husbands face.

"Oh thank Merlin" Harry laughed. "Yeah, don't think I won't get you back for this" he laughed and pointed at the boys. He pulled Ginny onto his lap and kissed her again, resulting in a chorus of "eeeeeeeeeeww" from the boys. Ignoring them, he ran a protective hand over her stomach.

"So, not that I'm complaining, but why are you here? Aren't you looking after Rosie tonight?" Harry asked, as Ginny gazed upon her two sons and Godson, now playing with a miniature quidditch field, making the players fly back and forth while the Viktor Krum figure, noticeably disfigured (thanks wholly to Uncle Ron) sat on the miniature bench.

"Hmmm, well, you know Ron and Hermione" Ginny sighed as she leant back on her husband and watched the children fondly with a contented sigh.

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**reviews!!!!!**


	2. Big Red Pygmy Puffs

I don't own Harry Potter

I love Ron Weasley

And I'm envious of J.K. Rowling's fat mountain of cash

That's all there is to it!

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**Big Red Pygmy Puffs**

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"Muuuuuuuummy!" there was a short pause, an aggravated sigh and then:

"MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMY!"

A woman's arm shot out from under the large orange doona and groped around the bedside table, eventually locating her vine wood wand.

Hermione dragged her head up off the pillow and pointed her wand at the small baby monitor on the table.

"Rose darling, please, go back to sleep. Mummy's been in to see you three times already"

The ginger haired two year-old huffed and crossed her little arms.

"MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMY!" a roar came from the bright pink room down the hall.

Hermione threw off the doona and pulled herself angrily out of bed, glaring at her sleeping husband before storming down the hall, stopping to calm herself before entering.

She opened the door and was greeted with a wide toothy grin by her daughter, who was revelling in the triumph of getting her parents attention… again.

"What is it sweetheart" Hermione sighed, running a tired hand over her own wild hair.

"Milk" stated Rose simply.

"Ok, Ok." Hermione surrendered, bending to pick up her daughter and holding her on her hip, before making her way to the kitchen.

Rose tugged on the sleeve of the oversized Chudley Cannons t-shirt her mother wore.

"Magic milk?" Rose asked sweetly.

Hermione looked into her daughters deep blue eyes and sighed.

"Ok, come on then" Hermione carried Rose into her bedroom, placing her on the bed next to Ron as she searched for her wand which had rolled off the table.

Rose studied her father curiously. His hair was all over his face, which was half covered by the pillow he was resting on, and his mouth was wide open, emitting deep snores. Rose shakily stood up on the bed, and with an almighty heave she launched herself onto an unsuspecting Ron.

**OOMPH!** "Hermione wha-" Ron bolted up, startled by his rude awakening, noticing his daughter giggling hysterically on his legs.

"YOU! Oh I am so going to get you for this: laughed Ron and he gently tackled his daughter, mercilessly tickling her while she shrieked with laughter. There was silence between the two red heads, however, when Hermione's head appeared at the side of the bed, looking at both of them with a murderous glint in her eye.

"If either of you wake Hugo up, so help me Merlin" she threatened, snatching her wand up off the floor and holding a hand out to Rose.

"Come on" she motioned, and helped her off the bed, walking her to the kitchen.

Hermione picked up Rose and placed her in the beautiful wooden high chair Arthur had proudly made for them ("Just like real muggles!" he had said excitedly).

She leaned on the counter and looked at Rose

"Ok" she started, "What type of milk?"

"PINK!" shrieked Rose, who was bouncing with excitement.

Hermione shuffled to the fridge, and removed a bottle of milk. She then poured the milk into a clear sippy cup and placed it in front of Rose.

With a simple flick of her wand, Hermione had made the milk bubble, and then slowly turn a violent shade of pink. Rose grabbed the cup and drank the pink milk hungrily.

_Just like her father_ Hermione thought, as she performed a cleaning spell on her milk covered daughter.

She lifted Rose out of the chair, and walked through the doorway, to be greeted by Ron, stifling a yawn as he kissed his girls on the cheek.

"I've just checked in on Hugo, seems ok… thank Merlin" Ron muttered sleepily.

Hugo Weasley was barely one year old; he was teething and proving to be a right nightmare. Every night, Ron and Hermione, exhausted from work, would spend hours trying in vain to get their son to sleep. The same feat was to be attempted with their jealous daughter, who much to her parents chagrin, was proving to have inherited Fred and George's flair when it came to being the centre of attention.

As Hermione tucked Rose back into her bed, Ron made his way back to their room and collapsed in an exhausted heap on the bed. Hermione soon followed, exhaling loudly as she lay down.

Ron pulled Hermione half onto him and stroked her hair, kissing her head every so often as she ran her hand up and down his bare chest.

The couple slowly started to doze off.

"Daddy!" Ron stirred slightly.

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDY!" Rose was bored and ready to play.

"DADDY, DADDY, DADDY, DADDY" She babbled loudly.

Hermione clenched up and grabbed the sheets in frustration, her angry grumblings buried in Ron's chest.

"DAAAAADDY!" bellowed Rose.

Hermione shot up, staring down at a fearful Ron with her arm pointing menacingly at the door.

"Go" she said.

Ron begrudgingly got up and lumbered to Roses room. He walked in to find his daughter crouched in the corner of her bed, her back to Ron.

"Rosie?" Ron asked, cautiously, slowly edging towards his daughter. Rose turned around abruptly, grinning madly at her sleep deprived father.

"What's wrong Rosie? You need to go to sleep. If you don't go to sleep then you won't be able to go to Grandma and Grandpas while mum and I are at work tomorrow." Ron said, wearily rubbing his face, still half asleep.

"Can I bring my baby to Grandmas?" asked Rose.

"Yes honey, Fluffy can come" said Ron, picking up the white toy cat and placing it next to his daughter.

"No daddy!" laughed Rose, "I have a NEW baby!" She pointed with excitement to the corner where she had previously been facing.

"Come and see him!"

Ron moved cautiously closer and closer…

Hermione was bundled up in the blankets, quite enjoying the ability to lie like a starfish across the bed without any grumbles from Ron.

She sighed, thoroughly content with the newfound silence within the Weasley household. _This is almost too good to be true_ Thought Hermione, as she slowly fell into a slumber.

The peacefulness, however, was short lived. Hermione's eyes flew open as she heard a bellowing roar from her husband echo through the house, closely followed by the high pitched cries of their son, and then the shrieking laughter of little Rose.

Hermione got up off the bed, stony faced and furious at poor Ron. She grabbed her wand, fully intending to hex his bits off he first chance she got. She stormed down the corridor and turned into the first room, the walls decorated with an assortment of dragons and broomsticks. Baby Hugo was sitting up in his crib, looking alarmed and confused by his father's loud yells and crying.

Hermione gathered him up in her arms and rubbed his back, trying to soothe him.

"Come on darling, Mummy's here, shhhh. Oh good boy" she cooed to her son, as his crying began to subside. She picked up the blue muggle teething ring and gave it to Hugo, who began to happily chomp away.

"Ok darling, let's go and hex Daddy shall we?" she said as she kissed his fluffy brown hair.

She made her way into Roses room, stopping in the doorway when she heard her name being whimpered by a petrified Ron.

"Ok, what's going on in he- " Hermione stopped, trying not to laugh as she saw what was happening. Rose was delicately playing with a huge, hairy black spider, giggling as it ran up her arm. Ron, however, was up against the wall, looking horrified and distressed. Hermione entered the room and was spotted by Rose.

"Mummy! Put Hugo down so he can play with my baby!"

"Oh no darling" Hermione smiled and handed Hugo over to Ron, who automatically covered his son with his arms, as if the spider were to charge at any given moment. She then walked over to Rose and gathered the spider into her palm; eliciting a tiny whimper from Ron. She walked over to the window, opened it, and let the spider out, closing the window once it had gone.

"Mummy!" said Rose, clearly outraged by her mothers decision and standing with her small arms crossed over her chest, reminding Ron of a mini-Hermione but with his hair and eyes.

"He was happier outside darling" said Hermione, picking Rose up and placing her back into her bed.

"Plus you were scaring that big red Pygmy Puff standing over there" she laughed at a distressed Ron, winking at him before tucking in Rose and kissing her forehead.

"Now, are you going to sleep?"

"Yes mummy, I'm very tired" said Rose, hugging her cat.

Hermione went back to her room and collapsed once again onto the bed, while Ron put Hugo back in his crib.

He came back into the room, looking equally exhausted and lying down next to his wife.

"I should hex you, you know" said Hermione, rolling on top of Ron.

"Oh really, and why is this?" he retorted, placing his hands on her hips and craning up to kiss her neck.

"Number one, you woke Hugo. Number two and I can't believe we have to revisit this Ron, you fell for the spider trick…AGAIN!"

"It was bloody huge Mione!" blurted Ron, in between kissing her neck sloppily.

"Yes, but she gets you with the same trick nearly every week Ron, I honestly don't know where she's getting all these spiders from" thought Hermione aloud, trailing off.

Ron ran his hands up and down her sides, his kisses getting more and more heated.

"Well…at least…they're…asleep……also…I'd….love it" Ron stopped, taking a large breath.

"I'd love it if you didn't refer to me as a big red Pygmy Puff in front of my son! How can I be a proper male influence if I'm being compared to a fluffy girls pet" he huffed.

"Don't worry darling" giggled Hermione, finding her husbands insecurities most amusing.

"I'm quite sure that there's more than enough male influence on your side of the family" She feathered small kisses all over his face.

"So that means… you can be my full time Pygmy Puff!" she laughed as Ron grunted fiercely, flipping and pinning Hermione to the bed.

"Can a Pygmy Puff do this?" he grinned mischievously, reaching for his wand and muttering "Nox".

From the darkness there came a deep sigh, a moan and then…

"Muuuuuuuuummy!"

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**reviews!!!**


	3. Rose Weasley's Magical Mischief

I love Ron Weasley

And I'm envious of J.K. Rowling's fat mountain of cash

That's all there is to it!

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**A/N:** Oh God! It's been quite a while i know! i was on a roll there for a bit and then BOOM came the schoolwork, but here you are! another chapter!!! and there will be more to come, just be patient with me lol  
enjoy!  
p.s. Neville and Luna pairings appear!!! i'm totally in love with this cute couple, and boo to J.K for saying that she gets married to some tosser called Rolf grumble So i made him her work partner... AND NOTHING MORE!  
xx

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**Rose Weasley and The Magical Mishap**

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It had been a relatively quiet day in the department of magical law enforcement. Hermione Weasley, Head of department (and sometime writer) was at her desk, fiddling with her quill as she struggled to stay on task whilst she went over the new provisions and auror requirements for the up and coming international wizarding conference due to take place in mere months. Usually this sort of thing was reasonably quick to go over, yet Hermione had trouble staying focussed. She had a horrible nagging feeling in the back of her mind that refused to move away. 

She sighed and looked fondly at the moving photo on her desk. Ron was struggling to keep hold of a highly animated Rose, while Hugo sat in his mothers lap pounding on a toy dragon which growled every time he did so. As Hermione looked at the picture, very much wishing she was home with her family instead of behind her desk, she felt another strange feeling in the back of her mind.

_Merlin, I don't want to pull a Harry_ she mused.

She was about to finish up her paperwork when a silvery form burst into her office. Hermione, startled by the appearance of a great silver St Bernard, leapt to her feet.

The dog began to speak.

"Mrs Hermione Weasley, this is healer Wright. Please find your way to St Mungo's as soon as possible."

Hermione went pale. She desperately grabbed her handbag and wand up off the desk, leaving everything else in shambles as she raced towards the fireplace.

She arrived a while later in the foyer of St Mungo's, absolutely beside herself with worry. Her black heels clicking hurriedly as she forced her way through the crowded waiting room and up to the Welcome Witch.

"Hermione, Hermione Weasley" She stated. The welcome witch chewed her gum at an annoyingly slow pace.

_**chew chew POP  
**__**  
**_"Sorry ma'am, no Hermione Weasley in any wards today."  
"No, no, I'M Hermione, I was called here. What's wrong? Who's hurt?" she squeaked, getting more and more nervous with every second passing.

_**chew chew POP**_

"OH, righto, I get'ya now" The woman said, idly twirling her hair around a finger and popping her gum.

"Yeah, I've got a Ron Weasley in. they weren't quite sure which ward to put him in, so it might be a bit of a wait."

"IS HE OK? IS HE HURT?" Hermione became slightly hysterical at the news.

"Yes, yes he's fine. They brought him in not even a few minutes ago, just got to get him settled into a ward and then you can go up and see him. Now if you'd like to take a seat…. NEXT!"

Hermione's head was spinning; she slowly started to calm down.

_Ok, Ron's hurt. But the healer says he's all right, but how do I know!? Oh Merlin, ok Hermione, calm down._

Hermione took a seat. Unable to bring herself to pick up a copy of witch weekly, she sat looking aimlessly around the room, looking rather out of place in her knee length skirt, heels and silk blouse (she had found that muggle fashions were easier in the workplace than wearing heavy robes all day).

Time was crawling along at the slowest possible pace, but Hermione's head snapped back into reality when she heard a familiar breezy tune being hummed through the crowd. She looked up in time to see a woman with longish dirty blonde hair pulled back into an extremely messy bun, seemingly decorated with sparkly red fruits of some kind.

"Luna!" Hermione cried, and the woman turned round, her large eyes widening and a serene smile appearing on her face.

"Hermione, how good to see you. I hope you didn't catch any Fluttermyths on the way over. I saw they had a shrub outside the building and you know how they're attracted to clumps of foliage…" she trailed off

"Ah no thankfully Luna, how are you? How's the research going?"

Luna smiled  
"Oh yes, it's marvellous. My work partner Rolf has really been helping on the tracking of Sphinx crossbreeding in Egypt. Haven't been able to get there myself obviously but I dare say the stuff we're finding is fascinating, nothing compared to a Crumple-Horned Snorkack I must say though…"

"Oh yes, and how are you little missy!" Hermione smiled and bent down, kissing the black haired three year old girl on the cheek.

Alice Longbottom, it appeared, had inherited her father's early shyness, as she blushed furiously and mumbled quietly to Hermione, lifting up a bandaged arm as Luna smiled down dreamily at her.

"Oh dear!" Hermione said, inspecting the girls arm.

"Oh yes, little Alice has yet to learn that when Mummy says not to touch Daddy's special plants, she has good reason, doesn't she darling?" Luna cooed as she lifted her daughter up and held her on her hip.

"She got into the greenhouse while Neville was up at Hogwarts and decided the Gumbaliah Cactus needed a tickle, didn't you sweetheart? She's all better now though, although I did meant to get her checked for a Nargle bite but I must have forgotten. Oh I think I'm getting a little nutty now I've got another one on the way" She beamed, Hermione chuckled.

"Oh that's lovely Luna! Give Neville our congratulations"

"I will, but I'm afraid we must be off. I'm taking Alice to the fourth floor to visit her grandparents while we're here, we even bought them some new butter beer cork jewellery didn't we darling!" she kissed Alice on the head and sailed away, humming a breathy tune.

Hermione sighed as she watched Luna take Alice up to the fourth floor, slumping down in her seat, her worries coming back with full force.

"WEASLEY?" shouted the Welcome Witch. Hermione struggled back to her feet and ran over to the desk.

"Your husband and children are settled in room two on the ground floor, just go right through"

Hermione said a hurried thanks and set of down the hall, her heels clicking with her fast paced strides.

_Room two_, she took a deep breath and braced herself as she entered the room.

Ron was sitting up in bed, a bandage around his head, with a four year old Rose and a two year old Hugo sitting on his legs, feverishly colouring in a children's copy of Magical Beasts and Where to Find Them.

"You're ok!" Hermione said breathlessly as she rushed in and threw her arms around Ron, who winced with pain.

"Oh yeah I'm fine, no thanks to little miss over here" he said, motioning to his daughter as Hermione fussed over his bandages.

"Guess who decided to show their first signs of magic today…"

Hermione shrieked with glee, bundling up her daughter in a rib crushing embrace, Ron sitting forgotten on the bed.

"Oh my baby girl! What happened?" Hermione swung Rose around, who giggled with glee, beaming as she waited for Ron to speak.

"Well…"

* * *

_Ron was tired, VERY tired. He had the day off and was spending it running after his kids, which he was absolutely loving. However, one too many games of 'Daddy the Hippogriff' and 'Daddy the Broomstick' were making short work of Ron's seemingly endless source of energy. The solution was food. The kids were used to Ron cooking, as Hermione had proved more than necessary that she was no kitchen goddess._

_Ron wearily sat Hugo in his high chair and then placed Rose on her booster seat, and got to work preparing lunch for the little Weasleys._

"_So what would you like Rosie?" Ron asked as Hugo happily slopped his own lunch all over himself._

"_Ummmmmm, I want a Bertie Botts sandwich!" Rose giggled_

"_Yeah, but the last time we tried that Mummy came home remember? Not good…"_

"_Chocolate Froggies?"_

"_Do you want your Daddy to live till your next birthday darling? Because Mummy won't let that happen if she found out we were eating sweets for lunch! How about some nice sandwiches hey?" Ron smiled and kissed his daughters head. She was frowning, she wanted sweets. _

_Now what Ron didn't know, was that Rose was already showing her first signs of magic. She had begun to conjure spiders out of thin air in order to get a laugh from watching her father squeal!_

_So whenever Rose got bored, things were bound to get icky for her poor father._

_Ron had his back turned, preparing lunch for Rose. He heard a small giggle and shook his head, reaching for a knife. His hand met the cold of metal, and the warmth, hairiness of something else entirely._

_He turned and looked at the knife, saw the giant spider, yelled with fright and fell backwards, whacking his head on the kitchen counter and promptly becoming unconscious. Rose giggled for a while, waiting for her father to get up and squeal again. He didn't. Her laughter began to sound unsure, and she slowly started to cry in fear. Luckily at that moment Grandma Weasley had popped through the fireplace._

"_Ron? Ron, where is everyone?" She said as she made her way to the kitchen, gasping as she saw her granddaughter in tears, her grandson covered with food and her youngest son on the floor._

* * *

"Aaaaaaand yeah, that's how we got here" Ron finished, as Molly came through the door carrying pumpkin pasties for her grandchildren. 

"Oh Hermione, you're here!" She exclaimed, pulling her daughter-in-law into a tight hug.

"Oh Molly, Thank Merlin you came over when you did!" Hermione was speechless.

"Oh pish posh my dear, I can't tell you how many times Arthur got knocked out with our lot dear, no matter" she said as she gave the pastries to her eager grandchildren.

"More importantly, Rosie showed her magic!" Molly beamed, pinching Rose's cheeks.

Hermione and Molly beamed at little Rose, who was stuffing her face in a scarily Ron like fashion, Hugo sat picking apart his food and Ron rubbed his head, a little annoyed that he wasn't getting any attention from his wife or mother.

All of a sudden Harry Potter burst through the door, carrying a two year old Lily.

"Hey! Sorry, I couldn't miss this" Harry laughed as he looked at Ron all bandaged up.

**SNAP! **Harry laughed again as he took a photo of a scandalised Ron.**  
**

"Oh excellent idea Harry, get one of Rose's first magic for the album" Molly smiled affectionately at her son-in-law.

"Oh, yeah I suppose, I was more thinking of the 'Spiders got the best of Ron' album, it seems to be filling up pretty fast thought thanks to my clever little niece here though" Harry ruffled Rose's hair.

"RON!" yelled Hermione, as Ron showed Harry just what he thought of the album with the use of his middle finger.

The children sat, colouring and munching on their pastries as Rose thought of more ways to extort sweets from her loved ones, through the use of spiders.

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	4. Cars, Crashed and Broomstick Battles

**_I don't own Harry Potter_**

**_I love Ron Weasley_**

**_And I'm envious of J.K. Rowling's fat mountain of cash_**

**_That's all there is to it!_**

_**A/N:** Again, I'm sooo sorry about my procrastination on this fic! Exams sucketh mucheth (which makes me wish hogwarts was real, seeings as theirs always get cancelled for one reason or another...) But anyway, HERE WE GO! thankyou for all your wonderful comments! They really mean alot to me and keep me inspired. I'm thinking of writing a few other oneshots for different couples at somestage as well. If anyone has any ideas they would really love to read, but can't be bothered to write, just leave some in reviews and I may just write some of them up for your enjoyment P  
xx_

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**_Cars, Crashes and Broomstick Battles._**

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_**OOMPH!**_

Hermione tripped and fell as she walked through the doorway from her bedroom to the hall. Picking herself up off the floor, she rubbed her back and picked up the offending object. Hermione's face twisted into an annoyed growl as she stormed down the hall and into the living room. There sat Hugo, flicking through a quidditch book with an expression of utmost boredom on his face.

"Hugo! What have I told you about leaving your things everywhere? I nearly broke my neck on this one" she exclaimed, holding out a green toy car in front of her seven year old sons face.

Hugo's bored expression glanced from his mother, to the car, and back again.

"Not mine, Dads" he stated, glancing back at the book.

"Are you sure? I didn't think Dad had TOY cars" Hermione said, crossing her arms.

"Yeah, Pop and Nan gave us some muggle toys when we went over yesterday" answered Hugo, referring to their trip to the Grangers over the weekend.

"And I didn't want to hurt Nan's feelings, but cars are a bit lame. I mean, they don't even go off the ground" Hugo stopped, a sly look creeping onto his face.

"Not like the new SuperSwift360, hey Mum did you know it can go upwards of 500km per hour in less than five seconds? …And Mum! Aunt Gins on the package! …And Mum! It's really funny, she's saying it 'sweeps away the competition' …and Mum…!" Hugo stopped, suddenly looking very offended as his mother had covered her ears with her hands and was singing loudly, and off key in an effort to stop the broom babble coming from her son.

Hermione stopped and looked at Hugo, beaming when she saw his little face scowling.

"Oh did Mummy upset you?" she laughed as she bundled Hugo up in her arms, kissing all over his messy brown hair, ignoring his outraged objections.

"MUM! GEROFF!" he struggled, finally being set back down. He reached up and smoothed his hair, regaining his composure with, what Ron often described as a 'freakily good impression of his mother'.

"Ok, so where's your father got to then?" she asked.

"Ummm, can't remember"

"What about Rose?"

"Uncle Harry's, I think she went to show off her Embeefreak"

"Her what?"

"That noisy thing Nan got her"

"Oh! The Mp3, right. Well I'm going to go get dressed and we can all go over, what do you say?"

"Will Albus be home?"

"Well I assume so darling"

"…yeah alright"

Hermione strode to her room, opened the wardrobe and waved her wand. A pair of jeans, white singlet and red long sleeved bolero top assembled themselves on the bed, and Hermione began to change, throwing the Cannons shirt and boxer long pyjama pants she was wearing into the laundry hamper and finally gathering her hair into a messy bun and slipping on a pair of red flats.

Coming back outside, she met Hugo in the front room. He was ready to go, with his quidditch books and old broom in tow.

"Ok hold on" Hermione turned on the spot, clutching her son's hand, and with a loud crack they appeared at the Potter's front door.

Hermione rang the doorbell and Hugo crossed him arms, sighing with annoyance.

"Why can't we just apparate straight in?"

"Because it's rude Hugo" Hermione muttered, waiting for someone to come to the door.

The blurry silhouette of a small person appeared through the decorative glass in the door, and reached up to turn the handle.

"Aunty Mione!" Lily Potter exclaimed.

"Hello angel! How are you?"

"Good… HI HUGO!!! Is that your broom? Can I have a go, PLEASE, James won't let me on his and neither will Al, so can I use yours pleeeease?"

Hugo pushed past his red-headed cousin through the front door

"No"

Lily looked crestfallen and walked back into the house, disappointed.

Hermione shook her head, laughing at the children.

"Lily is your Dad home?"

"Ummm, not sure. He might have gone out. Mum's home though, in the study" Lily said as she turned and skipped off into the backyard after Hugo.

Hermione made her way down the hall, turning right into the study. There Ginny sat, reading a piece of parchment with her feet up on the desk and absentmindedly chewing her quill.

Hermione knocked on the doorframe.

"Not interested Al, if he's being a prat then ignore him."

Hermione smiled

"Gin?"

"Oh! Hermione, when did you get here?"

"Just now, came over with Hugo. Lil let us in"

"Oh well Al will be pleased, James' been being a right little sod. I told him he couldn't go out with Harry and Ron this morning so he's been antagonizing Al and Lily instead." Ginny sighed, rubbing her forehead.

Hermione sat down on the squishy sofa in the corner of the room.

"So Ron's gone out with Harry today? I love it how he always keeps me up to date..." Hermione rolled her eyes thinking of her husband.

"Hmm. Well I was just going to make some tea, do you want…"

Ginny's speech halted as a loud crash came from the backyard.

"That is IT!" She screeched, leaping to her feet and running out the door into the yard.

The children must have sensed Ginny coming, as when she and Hermione made their way into the yard, all they saw was James, Albus and Hugo, standing very still with their arms behind their back and sheepish looks spread on their faces. Lily meanwhile, was sitting with Rose in a hammock strung up under two trees, sharing and earphone and marvelling in the strange muggle music.

"Right" Ginny started, as looks of fear crept onto the boy's faces.

"Why was there crashing, and WHAT IS THAT!?" She pointed, outraged at the pile of smoking and sparking wood behind the children.

"Well..." James started nervously, cowering from the steely glare from his mother.

"See I was out here, _innocently_ riding around on my broom" he motioned to the smouldering pile of ashen wood.

"And then Rose came over, we rode around for a bit, then she went off to listen to he Bimplefree player."

Ginny looked back at Hermione, who gave her a plain _I'll explain later _look.

"So then _ALBUS_ comes out, and starts harassing me about my broom. I mean, It's not my fault Dad confiscated his broom for a week for crashing it into that Muggle girl's tree house; he needs to control it better… But yeah, he comes out harassing me for a go, and I'm like: Albus, father said no, and who are we to question his authority" James had a slightly mocking sing-song tone to his voice.

"And yeah, then Hugo came over and we had a race, Al got jealous and destroyed my broom."

Albus look as if he were about to cry, while side glanced at him threateningly. Hugo stood there, staring at the ground with a small smile on his face.

Hermione took pity on her nephew.

"Rose!" she yelled across the yard at her daughter, who was still swinging in the hammock with Lily.

Not eliciting a response, Hermione marched over to the hammock, pulled Rose out, and marched back to the boys.

"What's wrong mum?" she sighed.

"What Happened with the brooms?"

"Basically? Al and Hugo had a race, James caught the end of both brooms and tried to hang off them while they were in the air, and they fell and crashed."

James threw a furious look at his cousin, who simply stuck out her tongue.

"Next time you won't pay out my music will you?" she said, trotting off back to Lily with her nose in the air.

"Right you. Inside now" Ginny said to James, who reluctantly made his way back to the house, mumbling angrily under his breath and kicking a stray gnome scurrying across the grass.

"And as for you two, you're going to have to wait for your fathers to get home so they can fix you brooms. Why don't you go play with the stuff you got from Uncle George's the other day?" she said, walking back into the house with Hermione.

The two women slumped into the kitchen seats, Ginny waved her wand and cups of tea prepared themselves and levitated over to the table.

"He is a rat-bag" Ginny sighed, referring to her eldest son.

"He's like Harry's dad, Harry, and every single one of my brother (except maybe Perce) rolled into one…" She sighed, taking an extra large gulp of tea.

Hermione made to reply, but was interrupted by a large cracking noise.

Lily came bolting through the kitchen

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAADDY!"

_**OOMPH!**_

Moments later, Harry entered the kitchen with Lily on his hip, while Ron clutched huge bags Labelled Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes.

"Hey, when did you come over?" Ron said, leaning down to kiss his wife.

"Few minutes ago… where have you been?"

"Ah!" Ron said. "Well, we went over to George and Katie's to pick up some stuff for the department, and I though while we were there he could charm those toys your mum got Hugo. Seemed like a good idea since he's been chucking them around the house trying to trip me up for entertainment…"

Ron pulled a purple race car toy out of the bag, placed it on the table and watched as it flew up into the air, sparking and morphing into different shapes, flying about in every conceivable pattern.

"That's lovely." She smiled and pulled him down for another kiss.

"Harry, go see what you're protégée did to Hugo's broom" Ginny said sombrely.

The smile fell from Harry's face.

"I'm not going to like what I see… am I?"

"No"

Harry exaggeratedly, much to Lily's amusement, and carried her outside.

Everyone got up and followed.

"Hey Hugo!" Ron waved "Get over here, got something to show you!"

Hugo looked up and walked over to his dad, making an annoyed noise as Ron pulled him into a big hug.

"Check out Nan's cars!" Ron pulled another out of the bag, and watched Hugo's face for any signs of amusement.

"Oh, that's… great Dad" Said Hugo awkwardly.

"But ummm, James smashed up my broom… and I was wondering…"

Hermione knew what was coming, and walked back inside.

"Its not that I don't _appreciate_ the cars Dad, it's just… they're always going to be a bit lame. But you know what's not lame? The new SuperSwift360! Dad, did you know it can go upwards of 500km per hour in less than five seconds? …And Dum! Aunt Gins on the package! …And Dad...!"

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	5. Pirouettes and Pyromania

I don't own Harry Potter

I love Ron Weasley

And I'm envious of J.K. Rowling's fat mountain of cash

That's all there is to it!

A/N: To anyone who is still reading this fic after 3 long years, I'M SORRY!  
I do hope you enjoy this new chapter though! xoxo

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**Pirouettes and Pyromania**

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_**Tick, tock, tick, tock**_

Ron was pacing the living room floor, wringing his hands and glancing nervously at the clock. Hugo sat on the floor alternating between shrieking and giggling at his father and trying to stuff an elderly Crookshanks tail into his little mouth. Tonight was going to be an interesting night, a very interesting night indeed for you see, Rose Weasley was having her first ever ballet recital. Hermione was fiercely adamant that whilst their children would be primarily educated in a magically safe setting before Hogwarts, they would take part in muggle activities and hobbies. "best of both worlds" she said proudly whilst flicking through brochures of dance classes and mummy and me swimming lessons while Ron sat there, agog at the notion of trotting around a room rather than flying on a broomstick.

So there she was one night a week at a little dance studio in the closest muggle town, prancing around to classical music and having a ball with the muggle children then trying to re-enact her pirouettes at home much later and kicking over daddy's work brooms by accident and watching them splinter as she hopped away in her tutu...

Tonight the 4-5 age group of Ms. Bennett's ballet studio would be performing for the first time, and 4 year old Rose Weasley had been chosen to be lead swan in the highly modified and adapted version of Swan Lake. Many a night during classes Hermione would sit with a sheepish look on her face as Rose would side-eye any child doing better than she was and the bar would mysteriously become slippery or their slippers would somehow become untied or knotted causing them to trip (not even the countless lectures after her spiders landed Ron in St. Mungos could hold back that fierce Weasley spirit).

"DON'T BE LATE" Rose squealed as she ran excitedly out the door to the car while lugging her immensely feathered costume with her, feathers and glitter coming free and trailing on the carpet to the door.

Hermione handed Hugo over to Ron and grabber her handbag off the table as she readied herself.

"Ok, so, I'm dropping Rosie to the auditorium and then picking up Mum and Dad..."

"Check" said Ron, beaming while looking out the door at an impatient Rose waving a stick as some kind of makeshift wand to unlock the car door.

"And then we'll go back to the auditorium and wait for you"

"Sounds like a plan love!" Ron leaned in for a goodbye kiss, but Hermione continued

"And then your parents should be arriving by floo around 5pm..."

Ron snapped to attention

"Sorry... what?"

"What what Ron? Your mother and father are coming tonight" she looked at him, exasperated.

"When? When did you invite them?" he was starting to stress "you know what happened when we took them to that shopping centre last month, Dad nearly flipped when we walked past that electron store!"

"Electronics Ronald and it will be fine! Besides, they really want to see her dance after all that practice she's been putting in at the burrow" she smirked, thinking back to when Rose ran riot trying to perform a Grand Jete multiple times in all over the house.

"Bloody hell" Ron exhaled.

"BLOODY HELL!" came a high pitched voice from out side

"OI!" Ron yelled out the door.

"Anyway, we're running late and I- ROSE! STOP HITTING THE CAR! – We've got to run, love you! And you're parents will be over at 5" she kissed Ron and Hugo quickly and ran out the door to confiscate the stick which was once a wand, now a vicious weapon.

Forty minutes later and there he was pacing back and forth watching the clock and fireplace alternately until the flames started to rise then burst, eliciting shrieks of mirth from Hugo and hissing from crookshanks.

Arthur came through first, then molly close behind.

"Ron! How are you son" he enveloped his youngest son in a hug as molly leant down to pick Hugo up off the floor and smother him with kisses.

"Hello darling, how are you? Have you had supper yet? You look a little tired" Molly said whilst fussing with Ron's hair and patting his cheeks.

"I'm fine mum! Fine! Now about tonight... take a seat quickly..."

Arthur and Molly sat transfixed while Ron listed off the do's and don'ts for the evening, placing specific emphasis on wands staying in coats at all times and that there was to be no shrieking, giggling or pointing at any foreign objects throughout the evening.

"Ron, really now, if we can manage a family dinner with Audrey's family we can manage this"

Audrey was Percy's wife, and Ron suspected molly had a very different memory of what actually happened the evening of their engagement party, wherein half the guests had to be obliviated due to a mass family freak out when the festive sparklers on their cake was lit...

"Now, will we be taking the car?" Arthur clapped his hands together eagerly looking out the window in the hopes of seeing Hermione's car.

"No, she's taken it to pick up her parents and drop Rose off dad. We'll be taking a cab-"he noticed Arthur beaming at the thought "and please for the love of Merlin do not speak for the entire ride!"

They both looked a little disheartened as he said this.

"I just... I just want her concert to go well without any magic going on and freaking out the muggles, yeah?" he looked at his parents, concerned that he had offended them.

"Of course not sweetheart" Molly smiled warmly while bouncing Hugo on her lap.

A while later they piled into a cab, Arthur with a look on his face that was so ecstatic, the driver asked if he was having a heart attack.

Parents crowded in the foyer of the auditorium, enjoying drinks and nibbled before the show was to start.

"Ron! RON!" Hermione rushed through the crowd to her husband, who was standing with his parents, trying not to stand out.

She was followed by Mr. and Mrs. Granger, who looked a darn sight more in the norm than the Weasley's.

"Hermione my dear! How are you? Where's little Rosie?" Molly asked, handing Hugo over to his mother as she untangled his fist from her hair.

"Oh she's all dressed and they're preparing now, shouldn't be long!" she quickly looked over her shoulder and leaned in closer "there was a little incident with untying other peoples shoes from the other side of the room but I've sorted it out. No Honeydukes for a year if she does it again"

Ron looked appalled at the proposed punishment, but they had begun to be ushered in to the auditorium before he could say anything.

They sat down in the front row, a special honour for the family of the lead swan indeed!

It went Arthur, Molly, Ron, Hermione and Hugo, Mr. Granger and then Mrs. Granger, all ready and rearing to see their feisty little red head steal the show.

The room went dark, curtains parted (whisper's of amazement and hurried shushing came back and forth from both Weasley men) music started to play and 20 4 – 5 year old girls trotted out onto the stage, stumbling, tiptoeing and prancing about in some sort of routine. They were covered in feathers and glitter and couldn't look happier. Everybody beamed as Rose popped out from behind the forest props and galloped into the middle of the designated "lake".

Everything was going swimmingly for the first number, the audience clapped enthusiastically as they prepared for their next dance. Hugo started to fidget and squirm as 2 year olds do and slipped off Hermione's lap.

She leaned down to pick him up, but he had scooted over to grandma Weasley before she could catch him. Molly leaned over to pick up her grandson and nodded to Hermione who smiled and sat back to enjoy the second number.

The music started up, a cheery number, and once again the little girls trotted into the middle of the stage. Hugo began to wave his arms wildly as he bounced on his grandmother's lap, and then it happened...

Without notice, one of the large painted trees onstage busted into flames. Screams came from the audience as the girls began to panic onstage, some jumping off into the crowd and others starting to cry. As soon as it started, the fire stopped. Parents in the audience were on their feet and were running to the stage to get the girls down fast. Seconds later, another tree went up in flames, and then another, and a third. All three stopped as soon as they started, and began to combust alternately in patterns and waves. Everyone was screaming and running around like mad except for the Weasley's and grangers, who calmly but quickly exited their seats and made for the exit with Hugo flapping his arms excitedly.

Ron had to run back inside through the frantic crowds to remove rose from the stage, who despite the protests of those around her, was dedicated to finishing her duty as lead swan and complete the performance.

Hermione stood outside and out of view near her parked car with her parents and the Weasley's as they heard fire trucks whiz past. Ron eventually appeared with rose slung over his shoulder, furiously beating on his back screaming "PUT ME DOWN!"

As he set her on her feet she straightened out her feathers and looked up at the adults staring at her.

Hermione's hair was as wild as the look in her eyes as she crouched down and held her daughters shoulders, facing her.

"Was it you" she asked sternly

"Was what me, mummy?" Rose fluttered her eyes in an innocent manner

"You KNOW what I'm talking about young lady" Hermione tried not to shriek at her defiant four year old.

Rose started to tremble as her mother's stare bore down on her, a tear ran down her cheek and she confessed

"I did it mummy! I'm so sorry but sally said her feathers were better than mine and they WEREN'T but all I did was make them fall off I SWEAR! PLEASE don't get rid of Honeydukes PLEASE!" she wept and turned, fleeing into molly's arms.

"Rose, I'm not talking about the feathers, I'm talking about the rather obvious fire..." she stood up and placed her hands on her hips, looking at Ron to step in.

"Rose... rose?" he tried to coax her away from her grandmother for questioning, but she just held her closer weeping and crying "I didn't do it! I didn't do it!"

Ron looked back at Hermione and shrugged

"Is that all you're going to do? Bloody useless Ron, how are we supposed to teach her if you're just going to stand there and do nothing?"

"What, me? At least I'm not yelling at her!"

They began to argue back and forth while rose sobbed in Mrs. Weasley's arms, Arthur prodded awkwardly at the car and the grangers fussed over Hugo who had begun to wave his arms about again.

"Hermione dear, Hermione!" Mrs. Granger said an odd tone to her voice.

Snapping out of the row with her husband, Hermione turned around to her mother.

"Umm, I think you'd better look behind you" Mrs. Granger pointed to the shrubs behind her daughter as she frantically tried to hold Hugo's arms in place.

"Oh bloody flipping hell!" Ron yelled as he too turned to see the shrubs in the parking lot flame in patterns as they had done inside.

"Hugo!" Hermione beamed breathlessly, racing over to her son she pulled him from her mother's arms and squeezed him tight, babbling praise and adoration over his first signs of magical skill.

"Oh he's picked it up so early! Rose only showed hers a few months ago and he's only 2! Aren't you so clever my darling!" she nuzzled into his cheek and he laughed.

The whole family crowded Hugo as he laughed; kissing and praising the little boy while rose had calmed down enough to congratulate her little brother.

"FIRE! THERE'S ANOTHER FIRE OVER THIS WAY! QUICK!"

Ron turned around frantically as he saw a fireman run from the distance.

"Oh bloody hell, in the car everyone now, now, now, LET'S GO!"


End file.
